The First Birthday Without Mom

me at 3The past few days I’ve been dealing with some emotional ups and downs. Everything about my life right now is so up in the air and it’s not making for happy days. Every now and then I’d realize my birthday is coming up and for the first time in my life I am parentless. Sure Alzheimer’s took mom’s memories, but she was still physically here with me.

Now here I am, still without a family of my own, still in limbo in so many ways, still feeling as if I haven’t mourned my mom completely, still with many things unresolved, but unresolved I’m ready for a new year. I don’t want to forget the struggle, but I’m ready for better, for happier, for lighter and for feelings of …no being settled!

I was blessed with parents who always made my birthday special and I enjoy making my birthdays special, but in the past few years, I found it hard to celebrate anything about my birthday. Being deep into caregiving to mom, it hurt to even think about what I wanted or hoped for in my birthday year. It wasn’t her fault, she’d only want the best for me, but caregiving does have a way of tearing down dreams.

I’m not one who believes my life should be so much easier because my journey as a caregiver was challenging, but I would love some easier and better days ahead….how about just a better year!

But for what I have had I’m going to say Thank You to God for Sue & Harry …two wonderful parents, for allowing me another year, for another day to get it right, for the wonderful friends and family that I have and for my beloved Polo who’s been by my side every step of the way!

For today I eat cake!!


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